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Sunsets, Spring & Losing my Mind

 Have you ever truly thought you were going bat shit crazy? Like check me into a mental clinic and med me up so that the feeling of drowning and the tears stop and the complete sense of loss of control can go?   That was me. 5 weeks ago.     5 weeks ago, I hit the lowest of lows where my body gave in to the heightened stress and sadness and panic and anger and hopelessness that had been building and building where it got to a point where I couldn’t talk. I would sit underneath the shower for I have no idea how long, just feeling the beating of the water beads drip on me while my tears were hidden by the shower rain.   I had officially hit rock bottom. Rock bottom and absolutely terrified that I actually couldn’t hit rock bottom due to the strength that I so needed to have for my kids and especially for my man. My man, who has been battling this year with so much pain and I’m sure, fear in himself of how debilitating his illness at times is attacking his...

You, Are My Beloved

 The tangle web of unfortunate events has been a cause for my quietness on here of late. When everything happens, and it feels like everything, small things like nurturing a creative outlet of a little blog seems to really get put on the back burner. For a wee little minute I thought about shutting it all down. I mean, call yourself a writer but not write. Now that’s an oxymoron if I’d ever heard one, right? And all these bloggers that say, “ it’s been ages” or “ I think of posts to write all the time” or “I’ll definitely write more often”, I hear you, loud and clear. My Beloved, has been chronically unwell since February this year. Watching someone you love go through extreme bouts of pain and watching the motivation dribble away from their face has been heart- breaking. I cannot describe to you enough how my heart hurts watching the man I adore go through what he is going through this year. Steve was diagnosed with Advanced Rheumatoid Arthritis. It has been a rigmarole journ...

Seeking out the Algorithm Ego Booster and Detoxing from it

 I’ve been playing the social media scene now since 2012. That’s six years now that I have been sharing, posting, sharing, posting. I had to scroll and scroll back to find my first profile pic.    Circa 2012   Time shows the most in our kids hey? When you’re with them day in, day out, you don’t see them grow. This guy is now a good head size taller than me. It’s 5am here. The house is quiet. My fire has still got a glow of red, which quickly turned into a rebirthed fireball quite quickly. I’ve made my first coffee for the day. A couple of lamps are on now, that show off that homely glow. I awoke at 4am and couldn’t sleep. I’m a spontaneous personality but I am also a creature of habit. And when I get up each morning, my routine consist of:   Coffee – fresh, creamy and warm I watch my sunrise I check the weather for the day, for the week Jump onto all the social apps, and check Facebook, Insty.   Give me more of these every morning   It’...

Call yourself a writer, hey?

 Can you call yourself a writer when you haven’t written for four months? I swear I think of blog posts every morning I do, I really, really do. I wake up at 6am, make my coffee, wander out to my porch and watch the sun rise. This has been my daily ritual since we moved to the country. My porch has the perfect position for watching the sun creeping up over the horizon as is shines a gorgeous glow of pink in the sky. But what to write, hey? When there are so many things to say but opening the blog and going to the back end to start a “new” post has felt hard. And when things feel hard these days, I don’t do them. Simple. I’ve been on Facey , and on Insty giving snippets of my days and experiences. Popping a picture up with limited words feels less vulnerable than letting it all bare here. Life is good though. It’s been six months since we moved from the big smoke. I don’t miss it at all. The other week, we trundled down to Adelaide for a day in day out type of visit; we spent ...

You Must Be Crazy

  "You must be crazy!" I heard a lot of this when we announced that we had bought a farm, in an area that we had never lived in before.  "Arn't you scared you won't like it there?" " What are you guys gonna do?" "You've never lived anywhere other than Melbourne, won't you miss it?" "You won't have town water, or natural gas. How on earth are you going to cope?" " A septic tank, omg yuck" The questions and opinions and doubts that were thrown our way in the lead up to our big move was never ending. Some have said to us that packing up and moving 600kms away from where we had been based most of our lives was brave. Others, said that we were crazy. Others said we were committing financial suicide. We even had a few say that we were ruining our kids lives. I think we're coming up to 3 months since we moved. The move itself was epic. Two guys, packed a 64 cubic metre truck in 10 hours. All our belongi...

Greetings, from the Country

 Hola!  Why, hello 2018. You've sprung up ever so quickly.  It has been a very long time since I last logged onto the back end of this blog and pressed the "new post" button. 7 months to be exact.  A lot can happen in 7 months, let me tell you.  My little family made a decision not long after the last post, that creating more time to spend with each other was our priority. The commute for both our jobs, hours spent away from home was taking it's toll. Chasing our tail and falling in an exhausted heap to wake up the next morning to do it all over again - just wasn't cutting it.  I also watched my beloved suffer a small stroke in front of my eyes.  If anything would jolt you into action to make drastic changes to create a calmer life, that small stroke shoved it in our face.  Fast forward a few months. We're gypsy's by nature, go where our heart seeks. Ever since my late teens, I've always had that internal independence and was never scared o...

The Jungle. An open letter to You.

 To my dearest-sweet-beautiful person in my life,  I've been quiet. I have also been distant, refrained and at times non-contactable. See, this anxiety beast that has grown over the last two years; it has been playing havoc with my insides. There are many times and days where I feel aokay, I am on top of the world - I smile, dance and laugh - and then this tiny burning feeling starts growing deep in my chest and it all comes crashing down around me - even if you cannot see it on the outside.  I understand, dearest-sweet-beautiful person in my life, how frustrating or confusing this may be for you. That in one instance, I seem fine and then the next, I don't reply to your text message for days. That's the mess that is, the Black Dog I suppose. It is such a thing in itself. Debilitating.  Dearest-sweet-beautiful person in my life - I'm here. 2017, has felt a little like an uphill marathon. Where seeing your name on my phone or reading your message can bring me to ...