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Fly High. Fly High.

    My normal has become a different normal. Completely surreal, and I am trying to get my head around the events that happened in our circle on the 7 th March this year. We lost 2 friends in our group over that long weekend in a tragic motorbike accident. Grief is nothing like I have experienced before of this magnitude and the complete shock of what has happened I am still struggling to come to grips with. You go on about your days and weeks doing the mundane bullshit, weeks turn to months and then another year goes by. Another Christmas. Another birthday. And we complain about crap all the time.  Perspective is something that tragic events provide you so quickly. It makes you look at your own life, and magnifies the importance of the really important stuff, the stuff that should matter and it also highlights what is completely irrelevant. Completely irrelevant . Family, health, relationships, memories – for me, this is what is important. Happiness and love. Above all … Love

Broken

 I am broken. I am devastated. I am numb.  We lost two souls in our circle over the long weekend. And I am struggling to understand, accept and quite frankly even do the simplest stuff in day to day. Forgive me if I am a little quiet on the blogsphere. Until then...oxo    

50 Shades of Grey. Really?

 In my last post I wrote about “ taking stock ”, about things that were happening in my world and to give you more of an insight to me. I also mentioned that I had to “bookmark” a date night. It had been far too long since Steve and I went on a date. So on Monday, I asked my mama to watch my lovelies after work so we could spend some quality time together, not talking to each other in a dark cinema for two hours! Ha! Here we are! Date Night! Woop woop! And with all the hype, circulation of reviews and also curiosity I booked our $7 tickets to see 50 Shades of Grey. I had read all 3 of the books when they first came out. Mainly I was intrigued as to what the big deal was with them, and also I hadn’t read a book for pure enjoyment in a long time. To say that I was disappointed with the literature writing and quality is an understatement. To say that it was an effort to get through event the first book due to the repetitiveness and lack of interesting story line would be spot on.

Taking Stock

 So Pip from  Meet me at Mikes  wrote a post recently about what was currently happening in her life, as did Kayte from  Woogs World . And, I thought I'd get on the band wagon and fill you all lovely people in on what's happening in my corner. It's like having a deep and meaningful with me, but culled down to five minutes. So, let's do it!     Making : Headway with driving a big car. You see, we recently sold my zippy Mazda 3 to help with our renovation funds and I now drive the "beast" aka Steves baby - The Patrol. I reversed into a teeny tiny car park today for Jacks paediatrician appointment. It took 7 goes to get into the spot, but I did it! (Thank you reverse camera and parking sensors!) Mama's driving the big car! They looked a bit scared, don't they??   Cooking : More and more. Which that shit is a serious "high 5" to me. As I would rather clean toilets than cook. I am very slowly, slowly starting to enjoy it. Drinking :

I had cancer last year. And it fucking sucked

   Cancer. One word that you never want to hear. A word that starts with C. Cervical Cancer. A double word with C. It’s a fucking horrible word. I’d even prefer the other C word, to the dismay of my Mother; I have a gutter mouth at times but a heart of gold. However many stories that you hear, it doesn’t even matter whether you know someone that has had cancer, nothing can prepare you for when a doctor tells you the news that you do. Your world literally stops. And everything goes into slow motion. The things that you thought were important – some of them become irrelevant and your mortality – which I never really thought about becomes an issue that becomes so close to the front of your mind. Shit. Fuck. Shit. God. Ladies, seriously! I KNOW! That life gets in the way. I KNOW , that we are run ragged just to make sure that the bills are paid, groceries are done, jobs need to be attended to but for god’s sake, PLEASE make that appointment to get a pap smear. I forgot, put if

Not Just Any Plate

     A little tear left my eye a couple of days ago. You see, this plate had been a constant in our household for the last 10 years. Not just any plate, but a plate that saw many great times and not so great times with Ethan growing up and his Autism.   I don’t even remember where it came from. How we got it.   I don’t even really like monkeys. Ethan saw the plate broken on the bench and didn’t even flinch. I was the one that was sentimental and emotional about it all – it had meaning to me not him. He learnt how to use cutlery with this plate. Steve and I spent hours upon hours coaxing him to eat dinner, and this was while as a 4 year old boy, he had limited to no verbal skills, screaming for up to 8 hours a day with spontaneous nose bleeds and head banging against walls just from his pure frustration of not being able to communicate or be understood.   Autism.   Fuck me.   IT.WAS.HARD. I didn’t hear the word “mum” until he was nearly 5. I bawled and howled like a baby so m

Legacy

     I really thought that I knew it all – you know, back in the day when I was a ripe old age of 18! The time when being 30 and being responsible was decades away and when my biggest concern was how I was going to afford a big night out and to make sure that I remembered the guys name the next day. And looking back, I did know everything then, for me, at that time. But the older and older that I am getting, I’m coming to the realisation that I know nothing of what I once thought, that everything can change and that the only thing that I can control, is my ability to have the correct outlook for myself in my life.   FUCK that’s deep.   You heard it right here.   Something though happened when I turned 30. Call it “a moment”, call it “my Oprah ahaha”, whatever it may have been – it got me thinking about my legacy. We have only got one go of this thing we call life (that we remember or know of) and before I know it, I will be old, hopefully not forgotten and I do wish that my