Noise

  

 

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At the end of 2015, I was seeing beautiful posts popping up left, right and everywhere of vision boards. Of declarations for the “word” which would be their focus for 2016. Words such as, “courage”, “brave”, “peace”, “empower”. All such great words with amazing intention. I thought about doing a Vision Board, for about 20 seconds. Then life got in the way.

My word that has been frequenting my mind has been – NOISE. Since Christmas {can you believe we are already 4 months since then!!!??} nothing too dramatic has changed in my life. I still work 40 hours per week. Still have 2 kids that I need to tend to and mother. Still am a wife. Still have bills, groceries and the forever load of WASHING. Washing. Fucking washing.

But, I haven’t coped with it. Or am not coping with it. My anxiety has really shown its face a lot. I have felt completely overwhelmed 50% of the time. And it has become clear as this is now manifesting in lack of sleep, unexplained weight loss and the warning signs that we should all listen to, have been staring back in my face and only now, for some reason I’m seeing it.

Noise.

There is too much noise going on. We’re getting pulled at every direction and I am certain that this is really affecting me.

I jumped onto my FB page that other day. I like over 900 pages! 900! Over 100 of them were news related. Srsly! My daily feed was expecting me to soak in all of this information from an array of different subjects, levels, emotional responses required– so much noise.

It is affecting me. It is affected my writing – here on the blog and the writers blank for my book.

 

If you cannot change what is happening around you, change the way you involve yourself with it.

 

I am slowing down my social media involvement dramatically.

I am closing my twitter account down.

I am going to communicate to the ones that love me and reach out to them when I need them and not feel like I am a burden – because I am not.

I am going to start really running my own race here. The competition and comparison in the blogging world is well and truly alive and fierce. I cannot keep up with it.

I actually don’t want to keep up with it anymore as the ego has taken a bit of a beating where in fact, it never should have. I read Eden Riley’s post about how to blog. I’ve book marked it and will read it every time the feeling of inadequacy creeps up.

I am a walking contradiction. All of us are. And that’s okay. We’re human. You know, people that feel shit. That reacts to it. That feels all the feels.

So you may see less of me here and in the interwebs – but you may see more. Without the noise – music may happen and I’ll be able to re-fill my cup with good shit.

I am just gonna write yeah?