I think I'm doing this whole blogging thing wrong

  

 

It has come to my attention that I've been doing this blog biz here now for two years. Two years peeps! Something that started out as a little outlet for me, a minimal outlay hobby, a space that I could "unload" has slowly but surely grown to become a real love and in sorts, a part of me. 

I am, very proud of the work and writing that I have put up here. There have been times where my posts have been long, short, funny, informative. I have had consistent times of when i would put posts up and then go into lulls of "meh".

Thing is, I think I've been doing it wrong here lately. Nearly every day at some point, an idea would pop into my head where I would think,  "Awesome! I'll write about that!", but fear has gotten the better of me. For some stupid reason, fear of what the billions, thousands, hundreds, okay only my friends will think of what I write here has given me stage fright. And if you knew me in "real life" THIS IS NOT ME. {I am available for public speaking engagements - email me for more info!}

WTF is going on hey?

I wrote a post awhile ago about being authentic. Huh. If I was being that 100% you would have known that about this fear ages ago. You would have known the last 3 months have been shitful with stress. I've had major trouble sleeping. My grief for my friends crept up to the front again and I was having anxiety attacks and noticing me clenching my hands together and only releasing them when i started noticing the pain the my nails were causing on the inside of my palms. That I was coming home from work and going straight to the wine. That feelings over overwhelm were getting overwhelming. 

Did I mention that I announced this grand plan to start writing my book this year? Not. A. Single.Word. Typed. 

I want my mojo back. I miss my write a heaps of words down and press publish without even giving it a second thought. 

And the only way i see that I can crawl my way back to that - is to just do it. 

It hasn't been totally doom and gloom. But misery likes company and sometimes that nice stuff gets forgotten easily when the mess of gloom is infront of you. 

I'm here. I'm glad you're here. Thanks for sticking around while i work some of this shit out.