Bliss and Mayhem

   Close your eyes for a moment.   Actually, open them again, silly me, you won’t be able to read! Imagine; Anxiety, pressure, stress, panic. Now imagine being so overwhelmed that the only thing that calms you down is humming with your mouth for hours- feeling the sensation of tingles across your tongue and the sound of the hum blocking out the outside terror that you are experiencing. Imagine not being able to tell anyone how you are feeling, what you want or need, or to ask a simple question. Not being able to connect the message from your brain to go to your mouth to form words. Imagine the thought of someone coming close to you, wanting to hug you; invading your personal space, touching you to be like razor blades been run across your body. This is what I imagine Autism is for my son Ethan. I know this. Because, he can tell me now. But for many, many years Ethan did not speak, grunted at best, screamed and had meltdowns for up to 8 hours a day and bashed his head against

    I suck at cold weather.  Should have been a QLD baby. I love summer. A breeze coming through all the open windows in the house, sunny days, longer evenings. There seems more time, more energy. I am always happier over those months. Have they always been around or have I just been too "busy" to stop and see all these gorgeous evenings that we have been having?   It is probably one of the reasons why I love travelling to Bali. Or it could be that I just love holidays? Three massages a day, seafood scoff galore and watching glorious sunsets every night.  Did I tell you I'm going back in 79 days? Yep, you heard it right here.  And Melbourne has given the last hoorah of the warmth last week. I wore my sandals on a yummy 26 degree day thinking it might the last time before I'd have to pull out the boots from the back of the cupboard.  Insert sad face.  I don't know about you, but I go inwards over the colder months, I get less social, I go quieter and it

    My normal has become a different normal. Completely surreal, and I am trying to get my head around the events that happened in our circle on the 7 th March this year. We lost 2 friends in our group over that long weekend in a tragic motorbike accident. Grief is nothing like I have experienced before of this magnitude and the complete shock of what has happened I am still struggling to come to grips with. You go on about your days and weeks doing the mundane bullshit, weeks turn to months and then another year goes by. Another Christmas. Another birthday. And we complain about crap all the time.  Perspective is something that tragic events provide you so quickly. It makes you look at your own life, and magnifies the importance of the really important stuff, the stuff that should matter and it also highlights what is completely irrelevant. Completely irrelevant . Family, health, relationships, memories – for me, this is what is important. Happiness and love. Above all … Love

 I am broken. I am devastated. I am numb.  We lost two souls in our circle over the long weekend. And I am struggling to understand, accept and quite frankly even do the simplest stuff in day to day. Forgive me if I am a little quiet on the blogsphere. Until then...oxo    

 In my last post I wrote about “ taking stock ”, about things that were happening in my world and to give you more of an insight to me. I also mentioned that I had to “bookmark” a date night. It had been far too long since Steve and I went on a date. So on Monday, I asked my mama to watch my lovelies after work so we could spend some quality time together, not talking to each other in a dark cinema for two hours! Ha! Here we are! Date Night! Woop woop! And with all the hype, circulation of reviews and also curiosity I booked our $7 tickets to see 50 Shades of Grey. I had read all 3 of the books when they first came out. Mainly I was intrigued as to what the big deal was with them, and also I hadn’t read a book for pure enjoyment in a long time. To say that I was disappointed with the literature writing and quality is an understatement. To say that it was an effort to get through event the first book due to the repetitiveness and lack of interesting story line would be spot on.

 So Pip from  Meet me at Mikes  wrote a post recently about what was currently happening in her life, as did Kayte from  Woogs World . And, I thought I'd get on the band wagon and fill you all lovely people in on what's happening in my corner. It's like having a deep and meaningful with me, but culled down to five minutes. So, let's do it!     Making : Headway with driving a big car. You see, we recently sold my zippy Mazda 3 to help with our renovation funds and I now drive the "beast" aka Steves baby - The Patrol. I reversed into a teeny tiny car park today for Jacks paediatrician appointment. It took 7 goes to get into the spot, but I did it! (Thank you reverse camera and parking sensors!) Mama's driving the big car! They looked a bit scared, don't they??   Cooking : More and more. Which that shit is a serious "high 5" to me. As I would rather clean toilets than cook. I am very slowly, slowly starting to enjoy it. Drinking :

   Cancer. One word that you never want to hear. A word that starts with C. Cervical Cancer. A double word with C. It’s a fucking horrible word. I’d even prefer the other C word, to the dismay of my Mother; I have a gutter mouth at times but a heart of gold. However many stories that you hear, it doesn’t even matter whether you know someone that has had cancer, nothing can prepare you for when a doctor tells you the news that you do. Your world literally stops. And everything goes into slow motion. The things that you thought were important – some of them become irrelevant and your mortality – which I never really thought about becomes an issue that becomes so close to the front of your mind. Shit. Fuck. Shit. God. Ladies, seriously! I KNOW! That life gets in the way. I KNOW , that we are run ragged just to make sure that the bills are paid, groceries are done, jobs need to be attended to but for god’s sake, PLEASE make that appointment to get a pap smear. I forgot, put if